The Ark

Here's a glimpse into a typical afternoon at our house. Granted, rain in July is an usual event, so I guess it was a worthwhile topic. 


"What would happen if it rained for a long time, like maybe a month? Would it flood?" asked the question queen.
"Maybe. It happened once before, you know. With Noah and whatnot."
"Who?"
"Noah. The ark? The animals? You've seriously never heard about this?" 

I thought we owned every Veggie Tales show ever made. How had this lapse occurred?

"Okay, so a long time ago, there was this guy named Noah who--"
"How long ago? The olden days, like Little House in the Big Woods?"
"Nope. Even before that. Actually, way before that. So--"
"Like the dinosaurs? The cavemen?"

Well, crud. How would I know?

"Sure, yes. Around that time. Okay, so--"
"What was everyone wearing?"
"What?"
"Well, if we knew what they were wearing, maybe we'd know how long ago."
"Togas. They all wore togas."
"And crowns of leaves?"
"Oh, yes. Definitely. May I continue?"

I'd now completely lost my train of thought. I was going to need some help here. How did that song go?

"The Lord told Noah, 'There's going to be a flood--'"

"Why only Noah? Why not everybody, like an announcement at church or something? Isn't that something everyone should have been told?"
"No, because God was feeling really sad because all the other people were not being good listeners, and they weren't showing their respect and taking care of the earth."
"Were they littering?"
"Oh, yes. Litter everywhere. It was awful. That's why God sent the rain. You know, to wash away the litter and stuff."

I paused to wonder exactly how much long-term damage this was going to cause. Should I just end it here? Maybe I could still save this.

"So anyway, God gave Noah an important job because he was so good at following directions. He told him to build a really big boat, and then he asked him to round up two of every kind of animal--"
"Why two? Why not as many as he could find?"
"Because the boat was medium. And please stop interrupting."

"So, two of every animal-- a mommy and a daddy to keep the species alive for when it was safe to get off the boat."
"What if the animals already had a baby? Would the baby drown? That doesn't seem fair. Do baby koalas litter?"

How do these conversations get so out-of-control so quickly?

"I don't know what the plan was, but I'm sure God had one. Everyone always says so."

Maybe that should be my go-to answer!

"Okay, so it rained and poured for forty days. Nearly drove those animals crazy."
"So it was just Noah and his family? What if there'd been other good people and God just didn't see them in time?"
"Oh, he would have seen them. He's like Santa. Or Rozz from Monsters, Inc. Always watching. So it rained and rained until all the litter and bad choices were washed away and then, the sun came out, and God gave them a rainbow."
"To tell them it was safe to get off the boat?"
"Exactly."
"What if it happens again?"
"It won't. The rainbow--" Oh goodness. Not sure where to go from here. "See, the rainbow was a promise, and--"
"So the rainbow told Noah that it wouldn't happen again? It just... talked to him? Did it say anything else?"

God save us all. Please.

"I'm not sure. It was a very long time ago. Nobody really remembers because they were all so happy to be off the dang boat."
"Oh. That makes sense. Mom, I love spending time together with you."

Me, too, kid. 
Me, too.