The Bug

I just saw a bug. 
In the house.
And I am home alone.
There is no one to kill it.

I am going to pretend that I didn't see it and hope there are not more where it came from.

Commencing denial sequence.... NOW.

This did not happen. This did not happen. This did not happen. You imagined it. You're sleepwalking. You're daydreaming.

Ahh. 
Problem solved.

***

From the safety of a different room on an entirely different floor of the house, I allowed myself to think of another time when an indoor bug caused calamity.

I was shuffling around books in a box to ship back to Scholastic when the dang thing leaped out at me. With reflexes like lightning, I flipped all the flaps inward and hollered, "Somebody get me the packing tape. And HURRY!"

Somebody did get me the packing tape, and I sealed that box shut faster than you can say silverfish. Then, I reinforced all the edges and put a second layer of tape on the main area. That bug wasn't going anywhere. With any luck, he'd suffocate.

I turned to face the students I'd just rescued from certain doom. If I'd had a handkerchief, I would've wiped my brow in relief.

"Um, Mrs. Robinson? I think that's the kind of bug that eats paper," called a little voice.
"Well, I guess we need to make sure it gets in the mail today so it doesn't gnaw its way back out. Who wants to bring it to the office?" 

Because I am NOT touching that box, I thought.

Two dozen hands went up. 
Better them than me.

"No, what I meant was the books. Inside the box," insisted the little voice again. "What if it eats the books?"
"Nonsense. I saw the bug. It was a silverfish."
"Maybe we should look it up, just to be sure." 

Oh, they knew me so well. 'Just to be sure' was my weak spot.

We projected the search on the screen.
You wouldn't believe all the stuff silverfish eat, but book-binding glue is their caviar. Their chocolate. Their bacon. Their crack.

We all sat in a stupor for a few minutes digesting this information, and then one by one every person in the room erupted in a fit of giggles.

We were all picturing the Scholastic people opening the thoroughly-sealed box and discovering one very fat bug surrounded by crumbs and book-bits.