Kamikaze Grapes

Something about my husband makes 440 grapes eager to jump to certain death.

Every driveway we’ve ever had has at least one of these.

We made one in an apartment parking lot, too.

We even made one in front of the daycare—an especially impressive 1.5 liter fatality from the high floorboard of the Big Pig that left carnage for weeks.

These serial suicides would cease if he’d just properly secure the bottles, but this practical solution has been neglected or forgotten so many times throughout the years that it’s just easier to purchase insanely cheap wine.

On the bright side, when you purchase six bottles at Walmart ($2.77 per bottle and not too awful) or CVS ($3.00 each, and worth every penny of the 23-cent upgrade) the stores usually provide a six-pack cloth tote. The one at CVS is even quilted.

Now that we almost exclusively buy in bulk, the only place those grapes plunge is into our glasses. We've also amassed enough of those cloth wine bags to sew our own parachutes.