Mother and Child

On a road trip to Houston, my friend Donna expertly answered her phone via Bluetooth and proceeded to reassure her daughter that her roommates were, in fact, still her friends despite their differences in preference of television shows.

She listened, she soothed, she offered advice, and she did not roll her eyes even one time.

Watching her meet her daughter’s needs so perfectly, I was reminded of another dear friend and parent of a child who travels along the autism rainbow. I told Donna about my friend Jamie and how infinitely proud of her I am. I told her about how deeply I admire Jamie’s soul-serenity and her tenacious spirit--  how you can tell even from a distance that there is this powerful bubble of love that envelopes her and her son, and that they bring out the absolute best in each other.

“Donna,” I’d mused, “How does this happen? Do you think maybe God matches up the babies with extra-special needs with the exactly-right mothers? I mean, look at you and Abby, Jamie and Roddy… you are the precisely-perfect mothers for them.”

Donna took a moment to ponder this before replying. “You know, I’m not sure it happens that way, to tell you the truth. I think maybe we become the precisely-perfect mothers for them along the journey.”

Memories of this conversation have been moving around in my heart for years, and I’ve known since the moment it happened that it was a story that needed to be shared.

Many months ago, I’d sent a rough draft of this story to Donna and Jamie, and I’d asked if they’d feel comfortable with me writing about this and sharing it with others. Within a day’s time, both mamas replied. Their responses were surprisingly similar—yes, both were comfortable with me sharing, but both replies were laced with humility and self-doubt.

“In retrospect, I'm sure I'm not the "precisely perfect mother" for Abby or even [my neuro-typical son]. Just good enough -- maybe just barely as good as I have to be on average over time...” Donna replied.

“I'm having a little momma doubt right now so reading this really reminded of some truths I forgot about,” Jamie wrote.

Here were these two amazing mothers—two women who I admire so deeply—expressing uncertainty about their abilities.

Just like an average parent would.

Just like I do.

Despite their doubt, I know the truth. I know how fantastic they are, even if they don’t realize it during all the moments in a day.

Some epiphanies shout, but this one whispered:

If even the really good moms have moments of self-doubt, maybe I’m a good mom, too.

It was a very overwhelming concept.

Jamie had also included this thought:

“I do think that sometimes the universe does a magnificent job of matching up spirits. I am humbled to be Roddy's mom. He teaches me far more than I teach him.”

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and the proof in the perfect-pairing theory was especially evident across our world-wide web. Post after post after post on Facebook celebrated the many mothers of the world, and every friend claimed to have the best mother in the world.

Normally, I’m skeptical of superlative statements regarding the ”best” anything. Can’t there only be one?

Motherhood is the exception, though.

I believe that every friend’s claim is accurate and absolute—that each mother truly is the very best one for her child, and that she became that way during the journey, working to overcome self-doubt every step of the way.