Lessons Learned by a Lovely Lady Lawn-Jockey

I’d seen Russ use the leaf-vacuum blower thing a zillion times. Company was on the way over to swim, and the previous night’s storm had blown at least an inch of green pollen and dry leaves on the back porch. Vacuuming is one of my finest skills—Russ said I’d be a natural at this. How hard could it be?

Here are a few important details that Russ forgot to mention:

1.       Don’t wear a dress, unless mooning your neighborhood was part of your plan.

2.       Don’t point the blower toward the house while standing less than three feet away. You’ll be tasting dirt and rubbing pollen from your eyes for the rest of the day.

3.       Don’t suck up bugs and spiders unless you are fully prepared to visit with them again when you’re emptying the vacuum bag into the yard bag. They’ll probably still be alive, and they will definitely be angry.

Maybe he thought these tidbits of information were extraneous. Perhaps he thought it would be common sense. Really, he should know by now-- you cannot rely on common sense when you have such an uncommon wife.