1. If you wear monochromatic outfits, you can get away with owning fewer articles of clothing. Stick to black-on-black, and people will usually forget what you wear altogether. Win-win.
2. Tan cellulite is always more attractive than pale cellulite.
3. You can always be blonder. Always.
Oh! Almost forgot:
4. For Pete's sake, it wouldn't kill you to put on a little makeup every now and then.
Happy belated Mother's Day, Mom!
See you at the airport on Thursday-- I'll be the very blonde, surprisingly tan one dressed in black and wearing cherry Chapstick, tinted sunscreen, and maybe some mascara and/or eyeliner (I've even been practicing!)
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